What makes you happy?
Besides the big stuff like family, health, work and faith, you probably treasure at least one small, regular ritual that brings you peace, joy, sanity, flow and reflection. Unwittingly over the years, you have probably developed and perfected a strategy for cultivating qualities proven to feed a positive outlook: gratitude, optimism, awe, compassion, mindfulness and physical health, for instance. And it’s probably not by writing in a leather-bound gratitude journal every night or sitting in the lotus position chanting “om” each morning. Happy habits don’t need to be formal or fit idealized notions of tranquility or all-out jubilation, but they should be personalized.
My ritual is going for a long walk through the neighborhood with my headphones on, music providing a dramatic soundtrack to my everyday worries, hopes and fantasies. But you might lift your mood by gardening, sipping coffee while reading a book, doodling on a sketchpad, reading your child a bedtime story or hiking with a friend.
We asked positive-psychology leaders how they practice what they preach. How do they stay centered, optimistic, grateful and satisfied in their busy lives? They share their surprising answers below.
1. “First thing in the morning I get on my treadmill, and I get a bridge partner on the Internet. I have an air desk so I can walk for an hour at 3 mph and play bridge at the same time.”
—Martin Seligman, Ph.D., director of the Positive Psychology Center at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia
2. “A good conversation with a friend over a cup of coffee and jogging along the Hudson River in New York City are two of my favorite activities.”
—Gabriele Oettingen, Ph.D., professor of psychology at New York University
3. “Even when I’m totally off my game and out of my normal happiness routines—which include writing down what I’m grateful for, getting enough sleep, hiking with my dog, allowing myself to just work on one thing at a time, etc.—I still always make an effort to connect with strangers. I look passersby in the eye and smile. I chat with the barista. I dish out compliments (“Love your shoes!”) in the grocery store. It’s almost a game for me: Who smiles back? Who brightens? Who chuckles? And it rarely fails to lift my spirits.”
—Christine Carter, Ph.D., senior fellow at the University of California, Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center
4. “Before breakfast every morning, I start a meditative routine on a yoga mat with a foam roller. I work through trigger points in my legs, hips, back and chest. Then I move to a series of plank and lunge poses. Often my 3-year-old daughter will climb onto my back to add 50 pounds of weight. She knows Daddy starts the day by working out. She knows I don’t talk when I work out, so I can hear her breathing next to my own, and we often get synchronized. Taking care of my body, noticing and appreciating what is happening in the present moment, connecting to my daughter: all mushed up together in a daily 10-minute routine.”
—Todd Kashdan, Ph.D., professor of psychology at George Mason University
5. “I make sure I ask myself what I need emotionally in the moment, then try to provide it directly. This often involves some physical touch like putting both my hands on my heart so I can feel cared for and supported, and then speaking to myself with the same warmth, compassion and encouragement I would show to a good friend. When I’m struggling, I say things like ‘I’m sorry this is so hard right now. I’m here for you.’ ”
—Kristen Neff, Ph.D., associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin
Have a Blessed Tuesday....
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